It  been a while since I have written, and/or posted anything, as I, like everyone else (at one point in time or another), have experienced a few upsets, disappointments, and unexpected situations.

As I have been going through, what seems to be a learning opportunity in the making, I have thought of myself as being unlucky, unloved, unacknowledged, unimportant, dismissed, disregarded, at a disadvantage, and feeling of a whole acreage of disdain.

Now, Although I found myself feeling the ways that I expressed above and did not often participate in much outside of my immediate community of support, I kept up on current events, social events, and things of that nature that gave me insight into other peoples lives.  I had a Facebook, participated in several forums, discussed different thoughts and ideas with whomever I could, and compiled a collage of information in various manners.

Now, I don’t know truly if what I have observed is in fact, a reality,  as it could be because of my phase in life that I began noticing things more acutely, but it seems that I had noticed a recurring theme, and that is  the idea that people seem to genuinely be unhappy and therefore exhibit to others a general feeling of unhappiness.

It is funny, how sometimes, out of tragic circumstances, great revelations can actually be revealed, but as I started to pull back the layers of what was hidden deep within my own dark, musty, sad, and unresolved situation, I began to discover something amazing…. I began to discover ME!

I guess there’s something about washing your eyes with the tears of your pain, that allows YOU to eventually see clearly, what YOU want, what YOU need, and most importantly, who YOU are.

We all know, that there are far more than enough things in this current life that we can let go of, because they do nothing more than weigh us down. We seem however, to not be able to grasp that there are just as many things in our lives that we need to hold on to, because they have the ability to keep us afloat. The biggest, strongest, most viable thing we have in are arsenal being, ones self.

If appearance (and experience) count for anything,  it looks as though we are, in fact, comfortable at times, relishing heavily, in our own misery. It’s as though, getting to a point where one can actually feel the pressure being lifted from within our own depths, requires far too much effort. I know how this is. Trust me, when I say, that I have truly been there and beyond, but I’ve become tired now, and I’m starting to think that “I” just might be worth the effort.

A reality that shocks me, is the discovery that although, by nature, we are conditioned to be selfish, indulged, individuals, we spend far more time than one would care to calculate, seeking the approval, recognition, and acknowledgement of others. We seem to allow the natural instinct of self-preservation to fall by the wayside as we become desperate to make a connection with someone or something else. (Now, please, don’t misunderstand what I am trying to convey, as it is also very natural to be attracted to and have the desire to be bonded with another). However, what should not be looked at as a natural occurrence, is to allotment of one to lose ones self. In your life, the most important person is you!

Now honestly, when was the last time that you looked at yourself in the mirror and saw the amazing individual that resides within? Have you had a true heart to heart with yourself and taken into account the things that have concerned you?  Have you looked beyond the surface and really took the time to discover what you like and how you like it? What about the last time  you seriously thought about your own personalized goals and how you plan to go about achieving them?  How long has it been since you wrote down a list of the things you like about you, and then a separate list, including the things that you don’t like, and went about reconsidering, formulating, and recreating you???

Sometimes, it becomes so difficult to even open your eyes, roll out from the comfort of your bed, and face the world. It even, at times ,feels as though you would be better off just sleeping the days away and waiting for the time to come when all of your miseries will end. But, at the times, when you feel this way arise, ask yourself this… “If everything that I am currently going through just stopped right here and now, would it change how I feel? Will I be any happier? ”  Now, if you think about this question in-depth and answer it  honestly, you just may find that the answer is no! You might also find, that it’s not actually your situation that needs changing, but instead, what needs changing is actually you. This is the time when Re-Creating oneself becomes essential. As no one on the planet can see things through your eyes, and no one can put forth the initial effort to reconstruct your life.

One day, the time will come when the life that you live will cease to exist and there will be nothing more left of you except for the legacy you’ve left behind.

Today however, you are here! So I ask,… What are you going to do??? You have the choice to just sit there and let life continue to leave its marks upon your body and your soul. Or, you can push forward and devise a plan that will, in essence create the impact in which you desire… You are the artist of your own life and if you are not happy with where and whom you currently are, you must realize that  it is only YOU that holds the power to change, the power Re-Create YOU!

Thank you for reading,

Ms. T.M. Garrison (A.K.A~ Trenni)


About Divided Chaos

Well, what can I say about me??? I know~ Here goes..... I am not your average, just let me type meaningless words that are neither thought provoking or inspiring on a computer screen, just because I have a computer and nothing better to do, kind of gal. My goal is to present debatable ideas and topics, open up a dialog, and perhaps come up with viable solutions. I am candid, honest, and at times, even controversial. However, I am also liberal minded and ready to learn and impart different perspectives about a wide array of things. I just hope that I will be afforded the same regard. I am fun, enthusiastic, emotional, social, and competent. In short, I am human. It is my desire that you truly enjoy what you read from me and comment, comment, comment. If you don't ... well then... How in the heck am I supposed to know let me know??? So, In short, All feedback is appreciated, and if you are honest as I'd like you to be, and I am as receptive as I pledge, then between you and I, there can be no 'Chaotic Divide'.

Posted on August 11, 2011, in Confessions, Inspiration, Life, Lifestyle, Random Thoughts, relationships, Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink. 2 Comments.

  1. I love this 🙂 Your outlook is exuberant and refreshing. We only have a limited time here on earth: lets use it!

    • Thank you Kateshrewday, I really appreciate your comment. If you have any other thoughts or ideas, please share them with me, as I am always looking for the perceptions of others outside of myself. Please continue to read my blogs, as I have been stagnant lately, but I promise, there is much that I have stored up within me, and therefore I have much that I am willing to share.

      Have a wonderful day and God Bless!

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