When you have begged and pleaded and lost all respect for yourself, when you have cried til your head hurt, talked your voice hoarse, and stayed awake countless hours, how do you finally find the ability to just let it all go???

So many others can tell you what they would do if they were in your shoes, they give advice that is warranted and unwarranted, give points of view that you can sometimes relate to, and sometimes saying things that down right offend. You’ve been on the other side before. Shelling out words of encouragement, faith, and stability, but when the problematic burden falls upon your shoulders and belongs to know one else but you, what in the world do you do?

In this life, there are so many things that one must conquer and overcome. Some things, unfortunately, seem to be quite a deal more painful than others and a person may begin to wonder why. Why is it that one can give so much of themselves, requiring nothing but  an inkling of reciprocation in return, and in the end, feel as though they have been unfairly cheated? Why is it that many times, what they feel is more than just a small emotion but turns out to be a justified feeling of real validity?

“Love as it is, has the potential to be charming, disarming, and dangerous. It also, has the ability to be the catalyst of seeming miracles. This love thing, the little wizard that it is, is downright tricky. I mean what else can get you all Googly eyed and stupid willingly? What could make you lose yourself and long for nothing more than the best of what you feel it has to offer. What other thing in your life can strip you of glory and happiness, and quite possibly (for some pitiful souls) make you want to take your own life? If you’ve been a vegan all of your life, it has the persuasiveness, to make you take a bite out of a ham hock, and it has been known to even make a man (or woman) change religions. What kind of thing does that?”

For me, the question still remains, “What kind of thing does that?”

From a personal standpoint, I can honestly say~ that Love has the power to do more than I previously expressed. It has the power to completely break you down, and the potential even to return you to your native existence of dust and nothingness.

How then, do you pull up your big girl panties (or drawers), stand up straight and tall in your heels (or boots) and let go???

Do you ignore what you feel, discounting your emotions as simple, petty, B.S? Do you let yourself go crazy and attempt to do equal harm to the one that you feel has harmed you? Do you run out on dates, and flirt back with every single person of the opposite sex that shows the slightest interest in you? Do you fall on your knees and pray and pray, and wait and wait? What do you do???

When does the moment arrive when you look in the mirror, declare to yourself that  you do, in fact, deserve better than what you have received and let go???

Does the time ever occur when an individual stops believing that the one in which you feel you’ve given your all to, will somehow recognize the error of his/her ways, apologize, and come crawling, begging even, for you to return back into their lives? Do you ever stop blaming yourself for all that went wrong?

Why in the world would one ever submit themselves to such a hailstorm?

I guess that the moment, the time, in which one must let go, is when they realize that they can’t live in a world of heartache and pain forever. Some people relish living in their own misery as they honestly see no future for themselves. They see no happiness coming, they see no reason for it, its as though they, themselves (or we, ourselves) believe that if the one person that they loved beyond all ability and reasoning, doesn’t return their love, then it must be because they themselves, are undeserving of love.

In this, trust me, I am the last person to give advice. I no longer see it as my place to reign all of my opinions on the matter to anyone whom will read this or listen to my mouth. In the past few weeks there, for me, have been many, many, lessons learned. Something that still baffles me though, is this… After one has been through the fire and the ice, the tornado meeting the volcano, and hell on earth. How does one began to let it go???

If anyone out there has the answers, please share… Cause this time, instead of talking,……….. I’m listening (and so are others)!

Thank you so much for reading,

Trennell Marie Garrison/ A.K.A~ Trenni


About Divided Chaos

Well, what can I say about me??? I know~ Here goes..... I am not your average, just let me type meaningless words that are neither thought provoking or inspiring on a computer screen, just because I have a computer and nothing better to do, kind of gal. My goal is to present debatable ideas and topics, open up a dialog, and perhaps come up with viable solutions. I am candid, honest, and at times, even controversial. However, I am also liberal minded and ready to learn and impart different perspectives about a wide array of things. I just hope that I will be afforded the same regard. I am fun, enthusiastic, emotional, social, and competent. In short, I am human. It is my desire that you truly enjoy what you read from me and comment, comment, comment. If you don't ... well then... How in the heck am I supposed to know let me know??? So, In short, All feedback is appreciated, and if you are honest as I'd like you to be, and I am as receptive as I pledge, then between you and I, there can be no 'Chaotic Divide'.

Posted on May 28, 2011, in Confessions, Life, Lifestyle, Love, Love and Marriage, Marriage, Random Thoughts, relationships, Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink. 2 Comments.

  1. It’s just so hard to leave something when so much time has been invested. You are willing to work at it to make it work but when your counter-part brushes it off like dust on a table makes you angry, makes you feel as if you aren’t worth the effort. It may be hard to say goodbye to yesterday, but it sure does makes it easier to say “hello,” to the morning when you share it with someone who genuinely feels the same butterflies from anticipating just your presence.. Thanks Trenni for this piece at this time because I needed it!

    • You are so very welcome, and thank you for replying as I truly appreciate your feedback. I do hope that things have gotten better for you since the time that you initially commented to my blog. I hope that you are now experiencing some peace from all of the heartache. I hope that you love you, and that you will find someone else who is worthy of love from you too.

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