Love Really??? (Are you sure this is what you want?)


Alright now, I have a question to pose to all of you faithful readers of mine. (Thank you very much)… And so… here goes…..

Is it truly “better to have loved and lost then to have never loved at all”?  (Alfred Lord Tennyson )  I personally, think that that’s one of those questions that makes you put your finger to the side of your mouth and say… ‘Hmmm”.

Lets first just get all pretenses and the sexy ideas of what love is out of our heads. Love as it is, has the potential to be charming, disarming, and dangerous. It also, has the ability to be the catalyst of seeming miracles. This love thing, the little wizard that it is, is downright tricky. I mean what else can get you all Googly eyed and stupid willingly? What could make you lose yourself and long for nothing more than the best of what you feel it has to offer. What other thing in your life can strip you of glory and happiness, and quite possibly (for some pitiful souls) make you want to take your own life? If you’ve been a vegan all of your life, it has the persuasiveness, to make you take a bite out of a ham hock, and it has been known to even make a man (or woman) change their own form of Faith. What other kind of thing has the power to do that?

People stay up all night writing about their experiences, with love.

Poems are published, divorce documents are drawn up, deals are made, promises are broken. This love thing is down right crazy, you know? It can have you even ignoring the things (and yes, even the people) whom all the while have been of the utmost importance in your life..  It, like drunk driving, can seriously impair your judgement. In fact, if Love could be compared to anything, (as others before me have stated) we could say that “LOVE”, itself, is like a drug. (Crack to be specific) You’ll lose weight, lose hope, and lose yourself, but still all you want and need is another ‘hit’. Whoever knew that such influence was imbedded in a word of only 4 short letters?

If you have never loved before, you might think that it is something you have missed out on, but tell me honestly, if your friend has had an extracted tooth and you never have, would you honestly miss out on the pain of it? If I failed a math quiz because it is not my strong point, but it is your absolute favorite subject and you excel in it, would you be envious of my struggle. If your sister had a job that was nothing but back-breaking work whose only benefit was that it paid decently, would you wish for her position? I THINK NOT! At least the average person, would not want to take on a situation that is guaranteed to potentially offer pain as a reward for your attempt to obtain it.

Try as you might to make Love work, cry till you can’t cry anymore, beg and plead until you feel like a slave inferior to a master. This little word, if projected accordingly, has the ability to destroy. Love will look you in the eye, completely filled with an air of  pity and compassion. It’ll beckon you to continue on, striving to obtain it, but also laughs at you and cries for you because “Love” knows that the exhilaration it can give, is not promised to be given to you. “Love”, however, does so enjoy the pursuit.

So I ask again, Is it “better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all?” How can someone who has never experienced the icky sweet taste of sugar crave cotton candy? It has been shown in studies time and time again, that an infant who has never been shown or given affection, will hesitate, turn his back to, kick, scream, and fight off, the advances of anyone who tries to show it to them.  Before, that, they live in their own little world singing and comforting themselves, coming up with coping skills that allow them to maintain their own survival.

Why would we ever open ourselves up to something that has been proven time and time again to have a 50% chance of inflicting  pain discontent, and unhappiness? This love thing can at times, appear to be a cruel joke, thought up by someone, who relishes in watching others attempt to accomplish the impossible as their is the strong possibility that the one caught up in the midst of what is supposed to be a wonderful kind of love, will fall flat on their face and receive the exact opposite.

I guess (and it is only my personal guess) that it is the 50% possibility of finding a loving situation that does nothing more than cause a feeling of goodness and well-being, is the reason why so many of us still try. (50% odds though aren’t nearly as good as 75%,  80%, or even 90%, lol).

Let me be the first to state, that if someone  finds a loving situation in which they obtain a partner, whom for them, is evenly yoked,  someone who is willing to give and receive, someone who doesn’t magnify all of your faults, because they pale in comparison to the things that perfectly make you you.  Then count me in as the head cheerleader, screaming, jumping around, and rooting for everyone else to run out, without hesitation to find themselves a situation that rivals. It would be akin to Lays potato chips. “Betcha can’t have just one!” Why would you even want to? If love was like a Christmas tree on Christmas morning, bearing endless possibilities of the goodies that lie withinhen the topic of this post would be something entirely different.

For a while now, I have observed people I know, fight one hell of a good fight for the positive outcomes “Love” sometimes (seemingly) offers, but instead come out with the mere ravages of war.  Rather than the championship title, (in the form of a long, happy and stable Certificate of Marriage), and that Gold and Diamond ring, they come out with a bruised ego, a diminished respect for self, physical pain, and self-destructive behaviors.

Is it really the promise of what love could offer that leaves us yearning, hurting, losing, but still willing to fight for the opportunity?

When love is not obtained and/or reciprocated, its like an indescribable traffic catastrophe. One where it is impossible to determine who was at fault, who stepped on the brakes too quickly and too hard, who wasn’t paying attention, or who just didn’t care. However, it always happens that one comes out more hurt than the other, usually a lot more.

When Love is good, it is amazingly good!

“Love” can have one feeling as though they could accomplish anything, that they have all of the riches in the world, and that they couldn’t ask for better. One will believe undoubtedly that “YES, there IS A GOD!”, and that He has bestowed one of His most precious gifts upon thee. What in the world could one have done to be so deserving of these good graces? The impossible is possible, the sun is shining even on the dreariest of days, and every bird sings their “special” song.

Still in knowing the pros and the cons of  finding and maintaining love, the question still must be posed…. Is it better to love and lose~ for the very experience of it is worth far more in life than having had no love at all?  Or is it better to never give in to the temptation of love, never feeling the adverse pain, but always wondering what could have been?

Love, no matter your take on it, is something that is so powerful that it cannot be held or controlled by one person alone. The mystic qualities it possesses ensures that even when mishandled it is not truly damaged. “Love” can repair itself whilst at the same time, damage the lonely heart that seeks to own it.

This question that I pose about love has an answer that is not mine alone. It belongs to you too.

“Love” has even odds of healing and destroying, It is one of the most wonderful things to behold, it is one of the most dangerous things to posess. “Love” is awesomely impairing & deceptively amazing. Are you sure, love is something that you want?  Really???

Thank you so much for reading,

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About Divided Chaos

Well, what can I say about me??? I know~ Here goes..... I am not your average, just let me type meaningless words that are neither thought provoking or inspiring on a computer screen, just because I have a computer and nothing better to do, kind of gal. My goal is to present debatable ideas and topics, open up a dialog, and perhaps come up with viable solutions. I am candid, honest, and at times, even controversial. However, I am also liberal minded and ready to learn and impart different perspectives about a wide array of things. I just hope that I will be afforded the same regard. I am fun, enthusiastic, emotional, social, and competent. In short, I am human. It is my desire that you truly enjoy what you read from me and comment, comment, comment. If you don't ... well then... How in the heck am I supposed to know let me know??? So, In short, All feedback is appreciated, and if you are honest as I'd like you to be, and I am as receptive as I pledge, then between you and I, there can be no 'Chaotic Divide'.

Posted on April 18, 2011, in Life, Love, Love and Marriage, Marriage, Random Thoughts, relationships. Bookmark the permalink. 2 Comments.

  1. Min. R. L. Brown

    Well, my answer is yes. Reason being is that those “loves lost” amplified the blessing of the love found. Also, similar to what you stated, “God is Love”. That is such a powerful Scripture that contains such a powerful answer. If a person looks to the shining, everlasting, perfect example of what love TRULY is and seeks a person who’s goal is to not only receive but give that type of love, the pain associated with failed relationships that are abusive, or neglectful wouldn’t be. But then you also ask, what is the experience of joy without the experience of sorrow? How precious is the miracle of healing without the curse of hurt? The joy and security of salvation without the fear and death of sin? When Paul said “in my unrighteousness, His righteousness is shown.” God shows up out of love, when we’be been hurt, or in our sorrow even when it is self-inflicted. So for me, personally, the answer is yes, because if I never allowed myself to fall in love with the Lord, where would I be? Thank you for this post, I don’t know what motivated you to write it but it caused me to have a moment of praise this morning. Oh, and by the way, I love you.:-)

  2. I say yes! Love is one of those things that you have to give it a try. No one, I’m sure hopes that it gets lost, but you have to try in order for it to succeed.

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